Say What?

In light of some great questions from my Krew yesterday, my brain has been buzzing.  I love how kids do that, how their own youthful wonderings spark our grown-up thought processes and help us learn and grow right alongside them.

Tuesday's conversation was in response to the verse of the day, which we share and discuss each morning over breakfast.  The verse for yesterday was
1 Thessalonians 5:15, which says,

"See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people."

This is a wonderful passage in so many ways, but it got my son thinking about evil - and thankfully, he says what's on his mind!

As I briefly addressed his concern, I answered some questions and then tried to refocus a potentially harmful train of thought into action - what can we do about evil?  We quickly revisited what Jesus did, and when He was confronted with evil, with direct attack and temptation, He responded by speaking truth.
Truth from God's Word is what puts the enemy of our souls in his place.

Although our conversation ended as we headed out the door for school, my thoughts did not (go figure, right?).

If we are to utilize the truth, we need to KNOW the truth.  We need to be able to state with absolute confidence that "God says..."

What better time to dig in and refresh the memory?  What DOES God say?

It is in the absence of our confident knowledge of His truth that the conversations of this world can create question - it is in this uncertainty of our thoughts that those questionings become reality and overtake the power of God's Word within us.  This is exactly how evil takes root, as God's truth becomes cloudy and lies become truth.  It happens to all of us.

So, to continue solidifying truth in my own heart and mind, to create a strong and confident reality for myself and my children, I revisit God's Word.  There is MUCH to be found, but today, a few truths stand out.

Here's what God has to say...

...about the reality of evil:
"Stay alert!  Watch out for your great enemy, the devil.  He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.  Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith."
1 Peter 5:8-9

...about our freedom from sin and evil:
"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.  And because you belong to Him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.  The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature.  So God did what the law could not do.  He sent His own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have.  And in that body God declared an end to sin's control over us by giving His Son as a sacrifice for our sins."
Romans 8:1-3

...about God's unfailing love:
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken."
Isaiah 54:10

...about His purpose:
"The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.  My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."
John 10:10

...about His Word:
"For the Word of God is alive and powerful.  It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword..."
Hebrews 4:12

...about His power in us:
"Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."
Ephesians 3:20

...about worry:
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6-7

...about pursuing God:
"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.  Keep on seeking, and you will find.  Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives.  Everyone who seeks, finds.  And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."
Matthew 7:7-78

...about our connection to the ultimate Source:
"Remain in Me, and I will remain in you.  For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the Vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in Me.  Yes, I am the Vine; you are the branches.  Those who remain in Me, and I in them, will produce much fruit."
John 15:4-5

...about His provision for our needs:
"So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat?  What will we drink?  What will we wear?'  These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs.  Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need."
Matthew 6:31-33

...about life's challenges:
"...when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.  If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you."
James 1:2-5

The more truth I record, the more I recall...I could go on for hours!  There is SO much more to be found in God's Word, SO many more promises that we can hold fast to and build a strong and confident foundation of truth upon.
This is where our hope comes from.
I pray to always be hungry for truth and to let it take root deep within me so the confusing lies and 'what-ifs' of this world will never have a chance to become my truth.  God's truth will always win out when I build my life around it.

A Peculiar Conflict

I don't fully understand how a person can experience such drastically opposite emotions at exactly the same time, but this is a situation that I find myself in from time to time, and especially so during these past few days.

There is no rhyme or reason for this conflict, but I have come to recognize that it will continue to eat at me until I get it out of my system, and writing out my feelings has proven to be a wonderful tool for working through my feelings.

This most recent and simultaneous surge of two separate emotions takes place nearly 11 months after moving our family away from the only home they have known and trying to start fresh as we follow God's leading.

Right now, my oldest daughter is away at camp.  This is a first for her, an unexpected leap into the unknown, and it brings me great pride to be reminded of the incredible growth that has taken place amongst all six of us over the past year.  There are not enough words to describe the swell in my heart as I see tangible evidence of my family's effort to step out of our individual 'comfort zones,' to try new things, meet new people, and continually press forward into this new life rather than mourn the loss of the old.  While the process has been anything but easy, I cannot stop myself from smiling at the thought of each of my children (and my husband, too!) fighting through their own emotions and seeking out the plans that God promises to have for them (Jeremiah 29:11).  Each has chosen at different times and in different ways to trust what they cannot see, to take a step without knowing where the path may lead, and it amazes me to no end.  This is no simple feat.

Yet however grateful I may be for the many ways we have known God's goodness, I still cannot escape the feeling of being 'gut-punched' as I recall all that has been left behind.  Stopping to remember the many moments that have been missed since we left, the life experiences that we did not get to share with those whom we had walked through life with for years - it still sends me reeling.  The ache is overwhelming as my mind takes a tally...holidays and birthdays, new babies, new houses, new experiences, new schools, new churches...difficulties, challenges, changes, frustrations...all of the things that I would have wanted to be there for, the moments when we could have shared a hug, a laugh, a cry, or even a cup of coffee.  Oh, how I would give anything to have been there.  This emotion becomes so powerful at times that it's hard to even send a text, mail a card, or make a phone call.  The feelings are still so very raw, the wound so very fresh.  And yet a wound I hope to never fully heal from - I never want to forget why it's been so hard to leave.

How I can experience such intensely opposing feelings at the very same time will remain a mystery.  Even the term 'bittersweet' comes nowhere close to doing justice to such emotions.

And while there is such a deep longing to return to the place of our 15-year winning streak, I also recognize that I wouldn't ever want to take away these past 11 months.  What we have learned about ourselves and each other, our ever-deepening roots of dependence on God, the exponential growth of faith and confidence, and a rich discovery of so much newness - those things are as irreplaceable as everything that was sacrificed to gain them.

My gratitude runs deep and my tears fall fresh tonight.  I guess that's just where I will have to learn to live for a while, however uncomfortable it may be.  And as I write, God reminds me of the analogy I have found myself repeating lately, that of developing our 'faith muscles.'  Building muscle is a lengthy and painful process, both stretching us in ways we haven't experienced before and rewarding us beyond what we would have expected.

"But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best.  At the time, discipline isn't much fun.  It always feels like it's going against the grain.  Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God."
Hebrews 12:11 (MSG)

Roots

I am definitely a 'mental picture' type of person - if you can explain something to me in a way that creates an image in my mind, it's almost guaranteed that I won't forget it.

One of my favorite 'mental pictures' as it relates to my relationship with God comes from Ephesians 3:16-19, which reads,

"I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will give you mighty inner strength through His Holy Spirit.  And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in Him.  May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love really is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it.  Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God."

This passage gives me a powerful picture in my brain.  And that picture stems from a tree, one who's sole source of strength comes from the health of it's roots.  If a tree's roots do not go deep enough or are not embedded in healthy soil, that tree will topple when the strong winds blow.  But when a tree has a strong and well-nourished root system, one that goes deep into fertile soil, it can withstand anything.  In my mind, I can see how this passage predicts 'mighty inner strength,' 'trust,' 'fullness of life,' and 'power' as a result of being deeply rooted in 'the soil of God's marvelous love.'

Roots create a strong, lasting image for me.

So, when I read a verse yesterday, one that again mentions 'roots,' I realized that I had been reading several verses lately about the same topic and I went back to look at each one again.  Here's what I found:

Psalms 80:9  "You cleared the ground for us, and we took root and filled the land."

Jeremiah 17:7-8  (and this passage just HAPPENED to be the 'verse of the day' on www.biblegateway.com when I went to look up these verses...)  

"But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.  They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.  Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought.  Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit."

Jeremiah 32:41  "I will rejoice in doing good to them and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant them in this land."

Jeremiah 42:10  "Stay here in this land.  If you do, I will build you up and not tear you down; I will plant you and not uproot you."

And even now, as I look at these verses collectively, I am brought to tears.

My husband and I have been silently but surely fighting this process of starting a new life here.  We have done everything we needed to do to get our family settled in school, in church, and in the neighborhood, and we have done our best to try and make our new house a home for the six of us, but inwardly, we have been fighting it.  Both of us are realizing that we have been putting off decisions and keeping our distance from certain situations because we don't REALLY want to give in and make our home here in South Dakota.  Why?  Because, for us, our ROOTS are in Nebraska.

Yet everything God is saying over the past few weeks is challenging us to our very core.  Are we TRULY ready to go where He's leading?  Do we REALLY trust that He has only the best plans for us?  Will we give up EVERYTHING to find out?

I don't know if God can be any more obvious...the way has been cleared (Psalms 80:9), if our ROOTS are in Him, we can thrive in any circumstance (Jer 17:7-8), He is ready to do great things, and will be faithful to transplant us (Jer 32:41), and if we STAY PUT, He will build us up (Jer 42:10).

While I LOVE that God is faithful to remind me of the truth I have held onto and that He loves me enough to repeat His message to me as many times as it takes, I still feel like a toddler throwing a tantrum because I JUST DON'T WANT TO LET GO.

Lord, help me.  I WANT to follow You, I WANT to be in Your best plans, I WANT to see You continue to do great things.  It's just breaking my heart to let go of my connection to the amazing work You have already done...while I was in Nebraska.

But if my roots are where they should be - deep in Your love - then I should be able to trust that I can find strength and fullness of life wherever You lead.  ...Even if it means putting down new roots...

Stretch Marks

Today, a dear friend used the term 'stretch marks' in reference to the changes and challenges of the last several months of our lives.  She made me smile, and yet, she couldn't have chosen more appropriate words.

This is a tough time.  It just is.  I don't feel like getting all fancy with my writing tonight, rather, I am simply needing to pour out some of what's been building inside of me over the past couple of months.

See, my friend's analogy sparked a whole train of thought that evoked lots of emotion and helped me to connect some of that emotion to the reality of my life - the part that has felt pretty rotten lately without me really knowing why or having the right words to explain it.

Stretch marks.  Pregnancy.  Expectation, excitement, emotion.  From the moment you see those two pink lines, you know nothing will ever be the same again.  There is great anticipation of all that is to come, and in the same breath, overwhelming fear of all that you do not yet know.  In the beginning, the excitement wins out in the midst of all of the ideas, dreams, and possibilities, and you jump in with both feet - choosing names, buying clothes, decorating a nursery.

Then, it happens.  There comes a day when you pull every blasted piece of clothing out of your closet, empty every drawer in your dresser, and no matter how hard you try, you find that NOTHING fits.  Old clothes are too small, maternity clothes too big...and it hits you.  There is no rewind, no reverse, no undoing the changes that have begun, no turning back.

There is no more perfect explanation of the journey for me until now.  Excitement, fear, planning, dreaming, changing, worrying, wondering.  That was all a part of the process as we prepared to move and made the jump from Nebraska to South Dakota.

While the first months we spent here were filled with newness, discovery, excitement, adjustment, expectation, and hope; during these last several weeks, I have come to the glaring realization that there is nothing that fits.  No matter how many nice people you talk to, how many great church services you attend, how much effort you invest at work, nothing feels quite right here.  It's not home.  And no matter how many times you return home, no matter how many conversations you have, text messages you send, Facebook posts you make, it just doesn't 'fit' the way it used to - and the heartbreaking part is that it never will again.

And that's where I'm at.  Yes - I am blessed, yes - I am loved, yes - there are good things to come, and I know that.  But I am that pregnant woman - I have tried on everything, I have thrown it all on the floor in frustration, and here I sit - in the midst of all that I have, with tears streaming down my face because I can't stop my world from changing, I can't undo what's been done, and I can't find anything that 'fits.'

All along, God has said, "Be strong and courageous," "Do not be afraid or discouraged," "I know the plans I have for you."  And I am trusting Him at His Word, even though it's a struggle right now.  While I don't know how to close this post, I will simply share the quiet Word He whispered to me from the front page of YouVersion this morning.

"The Lord isn't really being slow about His promise, as some people think.  No, He is being patient for your sake."  2 Peter 3:9

I'm sure some day I will be able to look at the stretch marks and remember why we went through all of this and how God was patient for our sake, but right now - in this moment - I just want my old body back.