Brutal Honesty

Time to be honest.

A major blow up from an unpredictable and highly emotional son (who apparently rides the same roller coaster as his mother) leaves little desire for blogging or giving thanks tonight. Eating would be the preferred activity of choice, eating and watching television. Alone.

Why did a good day, a beautiful day, have to end like this? Why do simple expectations like Saturday room-cleaning have to turn wonderful children into horrible monsters? What is it that flips the oldest son's switch from calm conversation to angry yelling, stomping, throwing things, and attempts to harm his own possessions? Handing out consequences is most definitely NOT the favorite of a Mom's responsibilities - taking away her children's beloved activities and precious belongings is not how she hopes to spend her time with them. Why must it so often come to this? Especially with this child? My heart hurts, longs for better things - connecting in fun moments, encouraging and building relationships, creating more memories than conflicts, learning who he really is - who God intended him to be.

However in the midst of mental reeling, the heart recalls earlier events of the day, occurrences that need to be remembered and brought into focus to soothe the frustrations of the evening. Isn't that the purpose of this blog, anyways? To reprogram my thinking? Well, a major reprogramming is in order, so here goes.

181. Days when children sleep in - even a little.

182. Beautiful blue skies.

183. Perfect mornings for outdoor exploring.

184. Sweet excitement and anticipation of kindergarten birthday parties.

185. Wandering the outdoor mall on sunshiny afternoons.

186. The unselfish and generous offerings of children who want to share their special treats with Mom. SO sweet!

187. Chit chat around a restaurant table without fighting.

188. The smell of freshly mowed grass. Ahhhhh...

189. Making May Day baskets; an all-time favorite fun activity to do together for the sheer joy of surprising young friends (and Daddies).

190. Leftover dessert on tough nights that demand chocolate therapy.

Delightful Discovery

There used to be a day when the perfectionist in me placed more value on the state of my home than the comfort of my guests. When plans and preparations were so exhausting that little energy was left for hosting and hospitality.

Today brought delight in the realization that things have changed. The focus has shifted. The heart wants more.

In the hours before our home was opened to visitors, anxiety was absent - replaced by simple hope that precious people would know their value. Diminished by desire for an attitude that would offer far greater welcome than the atmosphere, for connections with wonderful friends that would be more powerful than concerns about chaos and clutter.

Such blessings were found in the calmness of my heart today - such peace in the true enjoyment of relationship. Gratitude in growth.

171. JUST enough carpet cleaner to take care of this morning's lovely findings.

172. A day to stay home in my jammies and go nowhere.

173. The incredible imaginations of my 2 youngest children, who played together for hours without any prompting or prodding.

174. Remembering when my 2 oldest used to do the same.

175. Reading Bible stories together.

176. Trying to guess the name of my unborn niece and loving the challenge!

177. A leisurely chat with my Mom.

178. The company of wonderful friends.

179. Sweet treats for all to share (and some just for me!).

180. Calming of a ferocious wind to allow for a beautiful evening outdoors.

'Unexpected' Challenges

Totally should have seen it coming.

After blogging about greater purpose in thanksgiving, even the giving of thanks in my 'not enough,' it would only seem fitting that there would be an abundance of 'not enough' the very next day...definitely should have expected that...

No one ever said growth was painless.

See, when minds are made up to focus on God, to invite more of Him into life, to change the way things are done, it creates a stir.

The enemy of our souls, the one whose "purpose is to steal and kill and to destroy," he finds pleasure in our ignorance. He is not threatened by complacency, unshaken by indifference. He would rather that we keep doing what we've always done because he knows that an impact cannot be made if we become desensitized to the need.

However, when we step out in faith, follow a call, welcome the Potter to keep shaping the clay, notice is taken. Radars go off, ears perk, defenses rise - now there is a force to be reckoned with! Something has been set in motion and every effort is going to be made to make it stop, to silence the resounding reminders of certain doom.

So the 'unexpected' challenges should not be so. Pressing forward always meets resistance - such resistance should be welcomed. When sailing seems smooth, we should question if we are moving!

Despite the four disgusting deposits left by man's 'best friend' on the living room carpet in the early morning, regardless of the nasty attitude of a late-waking child, never minding the emotional PMS roller-coaster, the allergy-induced headaches, and the door closing on our number one preschool of choice for this fall...a smile crosses my face as the thoughts enter my mind...

"Is that all you've got?"

Bring it on.

^"37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. ³⁸ And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love." Romans 8:37-38

161. A husband's understanding.

162. POGO cards that make headache-reducing lattes more affordable.

163. Treats on my desk!

164. An awesome brother and sister-in-law who take the kids to church, put them to bed afterwards, and stay up until midnight waiting for our return.

165. The amazing orchestra and incredible vocal talent of 'Les Miserables.'

166. Walking children to school.

167. "Beautiful for Me" by Nichole Nordeman

168. 'Buy 1 Get 2 Free' sales on dairy-free bread (and wonderful friends who tell you about them!)

169. Parental battles that lead to scripture and teachable moments.

170. Backyard laughter on beautifully calm spring evenings.

The Miracle of Multiplying

No, please don't read TOO much into the title of this post...it is definitely NOT a reference to the 'be fruitful and multiply' sort of multiplication, as miraculous as that may be... :)

Today's title comes from the writings of the author, Ann Voskamp, who helped inspire this journey of journaling. Her book, 'One Thousand Gifts,' graces the bedside table and is read and re-read in the attempts to let the Truth become a reality in this life.

Tonight, in the quiet, a message leaps off the page.

First, a reference, John 6:11,

"Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks to God, and distributed them to the people. Afterward he did the same with the fish. And they all ate as much as they wanted."

She writes, "Jesus embraces His not enough...He gives thanks...and there is more than enough. More than enough!"

The giving of thanks precedes the miraculous.

"...slow time down with all your attention - and your basket of not-enough-time multiplies into more than enough time...

The real problem of life is never a lack of time. The real problem of life...is lack of thanksgiving."

My soul nods in agreement. This life of mine has born witness, has unknowingly experienced this very thing. The giving of thanks precedes the miraculous.

Longing for more, the choice is made. There WILL be thanks given in my 'not enough' - in the not enough of time, of wisdom, of patience, of grace. In the not enough of mothering, nurturing, understanding, relating. No matter the circumstance, there will be thanks. Hope stirs - He can be enough when I am not.

"Thanksgiving creates abundance; and the miracle of multiplying happens when I give thanks - take the just one loaf, say it is enough, and give thanks - and He miraculously makes it more than enough."

The miracle of multiplying.

151. Forgiveness for thoughtless words spoken.

152. Starting back to school and work on time.

153. Text messages from a special friend.

154. Inspiration from Godly leadership.

155. A project that can wait.

156. Lunch prepared and provided by loving hands.

157. Green jelly beans.

158. News of a field trip that takes place on my day off!

159. Making dinner with my son.

160. Kisses blown at bedtime after more harsh words are spoken.

Infinitely More

Exhausted and exhilarated. Overwhelmed and overjoyed. Busy and blessed. Hurried and humbled.

A perfect description of a most amazing 3 days of celebration.

Not only was God at work perfecting His promises in my life during the days prior, He continued His perfection into a weekend that was like no other. A weekend of realizing, remembering, reflecting, renewing, refreshing, relating, rejoicing, and record-setting.

The power of God, a matchless force.

"By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope." Ephesians 3:20

Infinitely more.

Gratitude overwhelms in the recounting of details, interactions, successes. With gratitude comes joy. Joy to carry through the exhaustion, joy to desire more of God's plans, to witness more of His perfection.

"...a glorious, inexpressible joy." 1 Peter 1:8

The list is not long enough to truly appreciate, the mind not capable enough to comprehend all that He has done. Yet the eyes have seen, the ears have heard, the heart is full. God is good.

121. No less than 75 incredibly amazing volunteers to staff an Eggstravaganza like no other.

122. 23,000 eggs!

123. Dry weather for egg-hunting.

124. 1,700 people in attendance - a PACKED house!

125. Sticky high-fives.

126. Cleanup in record time.

127. A few sweet hours of rest.

128. At least 75 MORE fantastic volunteers to love and bless the children who came to the Easter services.

129. 2,200 people to celebrate Easter with!

130. Smiling, friendly faces.

131. 'Oh Happy Day!' from 200 precious young voices.

132. 50 prayers shared and new beginnings celebrated.

133. The world's most handsome Easter bunny.

134. "a little chocolate Jesus" :)

135. Wonderful friends to laugh (and eat!) with.

136. Filling Easter baskets with treasures.

137. Striped shirts and sweater vests - my GQ boys.

138. Polka-dot princesses.

139. Classy young ladies.

140. Hugs.

141. Family.

142. Perfect spring afternoons.

143. Hiding 300 Easter eggs for 11 anxious children.

144. Trying to remember where said eggs were hidden (again)!

145. Empty egg 'grenades' and ensuing battles fought.

146. Hula-hooping...or at least trying...

147. Watching grown men hula-hoop!

148. Spontaneous backyard baseball that lasts for hours.

149. Laughter.

150. 4 precious sleeping faces.

Oddities

Day 4 of a most-incredibly busy week. Sad to leave the youngest at daycare one more time than usual as she stands begging me to stay there with her...sigh...

...and simultaneously energized as God's bigger plans and purposes for coming events continue to stir excitement in the midst of my busyness.

Strange how such feelings can co-exist, and thankful for both. Thankful for a daughter who cherishes our time together as much as I do. Thankful for a soft heart to still miss the loud and rambunctious children when we are apart. Thankful for newfound excitement to replace ever-powerful anxiety.

Details still undone, incomplete, yet somehow unshaken. Those details are often, nearly always, my undoing.

Today's task list unfinished - now added to tomorrow's - yet strangely confident.

Multiple responsibilities delegated to others, incredible and amazing people. Letting go of control, even to place it in great hands, brings stress. Feeling oddly stress-free.

Why?

Because it's not about me.

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." Ephesians 3:20

It's not about me.

111. Helping hands with this morning's errands.

112. Racing to the door, chasing, giggling.

113. Finding exactly what I was looking for.

114. Inner excitement about silly little Easter basket goodies. :)

115. Checking things off of the 'to-do' list.

116. A buzz of excitement amidst the busyness of the office.

117. An understanding and supportive husband.

118. Being asked to read to my children.

119. Surprising the kids with a treat - and truly enjoying their excitement.

120. Remembering what had been forgotten.

Simple Satisfaction

Words to share are few. Simple satisfaction.

Shockingly quiet inside this often-cluttered mind. Again, experiencing peace at the end of the day. Truly blessed.

Big days ahead; a non-stop, rock-your-world kind of weekend filled with gatherings of all kinds to celebrate the reason for life.

"My purpose is to give life in all its fullness." John 10:10

Though responsibilities are many, hours full, plans and preparations in constant motion, my heart is still. Thank You.

No effort of my own could ever duplicate such peace. No vacation, hobby, activity, or event could find success in settling this soul. Happiness is found in many ways, but all short-lived, unsatisfying without the true Source.

"I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives."

John 14:27

So it is true. Promised peace is received in the opening of the hand, the accepting of the gift, the gifts, that are forever offered.

Overwhelming gratitude.

101. Quiet breakfast shared.

102. Truly understanding another Mom's struggle.

103. Meeting new and friendly faces.

104. Finding necessary supplies on hand as God provides our needs.

105. A drive in the sunshine.

106. Kissing owies.

107. A four-year-old's incredible sense of direction.

108. Hearts and hands willing to serve as God again provides.

109. Walking hand-in-hand in the fresh evening air.

110. Cranking the volume on the car ride home - "I am Free!"

Peace

Exhaustion.

Relating this morning to a computer with too many open windows as all programs and operations freeze up, shut down.

System failure.

A common response when reaching maximum capacity, a familiar feeling. Stuck fast, unable to act. Knowing it will pass in time as thoughts reprogram, systems reboot.

Gratitude abounds as offers of help and support roll in. Gears begin to unclog, motion slowly resumes. Plans take shape, returning again to action.

Certainly not a debut performance in this life...however, taking notice of something new in this particular experience...

Peace.

No other way to describe that deep-down, unexplainable sense that all will be taken care of, that things are in good Hands. Eerie calm within, even as thoughts remain fuzzy and scattered, still searching for solutions.

Peace.

Growing ever-stronger as hours pass, strikingly more evident now than before. Drawn to the Truth in the quiet of night, revisiting Psalms of promise, hope. Reading,

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest...He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I am trusting Him." Psalm 91:1-2

WILL. We WILL find rest when He is our shelter. A promise worth remembering.

91. Children sleeping safely, soundly, undisturbed as thunder rumbles in the early hours of day.

92. Snuggly sweaters on days that fail to grow warmer with time.

93. Trees abloom with color when skies are gray.

94. Giggles about repeated matching of outfits - sharing office space AND fashion sense!

95. Oriental chicken salad from Applebee's - delivered to my desk.

96. Unexpected encouragement.

97. Tickets to 'Les Miserables' at an incredible discount.

98. Laughter shared with the oldest son over canine antics.

99. Imaginations alive with creativity.

100. A heart's prayer, "May all who fear You find in me a cause for joy..." Psalm 119:74

Time...more or less

At the start of this busiest of weeks, mind abuzz with responsibility, the night at home is graced with pause.

The book, the inspiration, is opened at the table. Words leap off the page even while thoughts race, trying not to forget all that needs doing...she writes,

"...it's obvious I'm craving it deep: more time to manage just the life I already have...a life so full it can seem empty...Can our time-crammed lives handle yet one more thing?"

It's what we crave - time - and more of it. Especially challenging when the call on our heart draws us to something new, something else, something good.

"We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing." Psalm 39:6

Penned so beautifully by David after reflecting on the brevity of life, his numbered days, a lifetime being but a moment. Isn't it?

"The time, always the time...In a world addicted to speed, I blur the moments...The hurry makes us hurt...Hurry always empties a soul."

Fighting against emptiness. Daily longing for a life full, though often filling it with busyness, tasks, things to check off the list. Missing the moments.

Again, reminded of reasons. Thankful.

"I speak it to God: I don't really want more time; I just want enough time. Time to breathe deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done...i just want time to do my one life well."

David concludes, "And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in You."

The conclusion is mine as well. Not more time, more God. That He would be not one more thing, but everything.

81. Being awakened on time when the alarm was set set incorrectly.

82. "I'll miss you, Mommy."

83. Prayers of a friend.

84. Unexpected offers of help.

85. The aroma of sweets from candy-filled eggs.

86. Success found in a new recipe.

87. Delicious, dairy-free potato soup.

88. Dart wars and after-dinner giggles.

89. Sugar-free peanut butter on toast.

90. Continual dot-connecting on life's unfolding map.

Reminders

Sweet prayers shared with an even sweeter husband before the covers are pulled back. Blessed connection - God connection - no better way to start the day.

A young son says it best after asking the usual,

"Where are we going today?"

With reassurance of this day of rest, he quickly responds, "I LOVE Sundays!"

Me, too, sweet child...me, too...

Adding Saturday evenings to church service options brings such freedom to our family. Saturday attendance opens doors for true rest on Sundays when we can plan nothing, do anything, just be. Restful weekends seemed far out of reach with a hard-working husband's retail business schedule, but have become more possible now than ever before.

A peek out the window on this rest-filled morning finds the love of my life partnering with a kind and friendly neighbor, cutting wood, cleaning yards, chatting. Such joy is found in the opportunity to connect with others - opportunities often missed due to life's frantic pace, over-committed schedules, margin-less management.

This is the way to live - connected.

A frightening thought sometimes, when insecurity overtakes, responsibilities remind. But fulfilling, necessary, vital nonetheless.

Especially in light of our Creator. Devotional open on the table, it is no coincidence to learn yet again the value of relating with God. A familiar message, heard often in recent weeks; pressing, calling, encouraging action.

"How often do we as Christians concern ourselves with what gear or direction we are in when what God really wants is for us to be connected to Him?"

My pen puts thoughts to paper, "Being connected with You is the only answer, no matter the question. All of scripture reminds that with You, all things are possible, in You is everything we need. Thank You."

Tonight, the age-old scripture rings fresh and new,

"I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I'll come right in and sit down to supper with you." Revelation 3:20

He longs for us to share this life - first with Him, then with others. No fancy words necessary, no Biblical theology required. Just us. Coming as we are, doing life together.

Exactly the way He did.

71. Waking slowly, together.

72. Stacks of firewood for cold winters to come.

73. Laughs shared around the family table.

74. Gooey grilled cheese.

75. A clean-shaven face, freshly trimmed locks.

76. A son's recollection of scripture, better than my own.

77. Humble apologies accepted.

78. Songs sung, together.

79. Bedtime stories and prayers with Daddy.

80. One full week of thanks.

Frustration

Frustrating days. Children culminate a season of too-little sleep with FAR too much picking, pestering, disrespecting, disobeying. All signs pointed this direction after numerous late nights and early mornings. Preparation, prevention - both were available in the wee hours, but the preference was extended sleep over quiet reflection - the comfy bed over the call to prayer. The result? Waking to screaming, fighting, nastiness. Today's tone set by tired children instead of a Mother's God-given gentleness, patience.

Selfishness visits often. Love of sleep, comfort, rest, warmth, takes precedence over Truth. Though each day is still prayer-full, the cost is glaringly obvious. Mom leads by example - me first - and guess who follows?

Conviction stings deep. Growth is painful; the choice not to grow, excruciating.

Reminders of previous ponderings - conviction or condemnation? Standing at the crossroads, a pastor's voice is heard,

"Failure is an event, not a person."

Welcome conviction - let mistakes, choices, awareness bring change. Choose not to belittle the masterpiece, magnify flaws, focus on scars - choose to accept the unchangeable, embrace opportunities, repent to be restored, let go to let God.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30, The Message

What greater reason to give thanks?

61. The all-too comfortable bed.

62. Waking with my favorite person.

63. Life lessons passed on from great leaders - "Love God, love others."

64. 1 Corinthians 13 - God's explanations of His expectations.

65. Giggling princesses.

66. Bargains discovered during quiet wanderings.

67. Hosanna.

68. God's perfectly timed messages.

69. "Come messy - just come."

70. Refreshing and relaxing adult conversation after one-too-many childish conflicts.

Personal Ponderings

Relationship comes easier this morning - mumblings seem less incoherent. Spirit is uplifted and yet flesh is still obviously weak as harsh words are spoken in quick response to frustration. Parental wisdom seems unattainable, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness rise quickly. Weakness is evident.

A gentle whisper is heard.

"...my power is made perfect in weakness."

Power, perfection. Both are welcome.

Pondering anew today...comparing, contemplating.

Conviction. Condemnation.

One breeds restoration, the other, destruction.

"For Adam’s sin led to condemnation, but God’s free gift leads to our being made right with God, even though we are guilty..." Romans 5:16

"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:17 (Yes, this immediately follows the sweetest of promises, the reassurance of love most powerful!)

How can the created, made in the image of our Creator, recipients of THE gift, breed destruction when we are free?

Oh to grasp the hand of conviction that leads to growth, heart change, greater good - to be released from the grip of condemnation. That all who have been freed can LIVE free, live fully - guided to greatness by our conviction rather than held captive by our guilt.

Praying to truly honor this most sacred Easter season, to recognize His death by learning to live.

51. Gentle rain.

52. Unexpected connections.

53. Invitations to snuggle under pink blankets - and the opportunity to accept.

54. Lessons learned from talking vegetables. "I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy - much much too busy for you."

55. Cinnamon-scented candles.

56. Freshly washed floors.

57. Beautiful orange roses to grace my kitchen counter.

58. Cooking dinner with a dear friend.

59. The smell of soft, freshly-baked cookies.

60. The satisfaction of NOT eating said cookies (though still secretly wishing...).

Resonating with Reason

Questioning has begun.

Motives are second-guessed while the journey is still fresh. Mental battles ensue as past experiences rear their ugly heads.

The soul longs for life change and the heart knows the possibilities, yet the mind sings loud the familiar songs of habits and tendencies - can they truly be overcome?

Natural inclinations of list-making, planning, and organization often leave great intentions as nothing more than new additions to things-to-do-today. Desires for growth become duties. Relationship unknowingly becomes religion.

Hope stirs within - God is bigger.

"Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.'” 2 Corinthians 12:9

May this life forever resonate with reason - may these choices be a reflection of a bigger picture, a greater calling - may old habits and selfish tendencies be diminished in the light of His power - may this present weakness make way for His greatness - may this season of thanks become a lifestyle.

Precious writings from a beloved author ring loud and clear, stir desire, send roots deeper still,

"Change agent, mover and shaker Daniel, second-to-the-king Daniel, sleeping-on-perfect-peace-in-the-den-of-lions Daniel. Daniel is a man of power prayer, not because he bends stiff the knees and makes petitions of the High Throne three times daily. Rather, his prayers move kings and lion jaws because Daniel 'prayed three times a day, just as he had always done, giving thanks to his God.' (Daniel 6:10, emphasis added). Three times a day Daniel prayed thanksgiving for the everyday common, for the God-love spilling forth from the God-heart at the center of it all...Prayer without ceasing is only possible in a life of continual thanks...Was it the power of everyday thanksgiving prayer that shut the gaping mouths of the lions ravenous?"

This is the reason with which to resonate. Not to draw attention, impress others, seek glory. Not to check off the 'to-do' list.

To realize good. To realize God. To give and to live thanks. To shut the mouths of life's lions.

41. Comfy sweatshirts.

42. Baseball caps.

43. Silly songs sung about 'Potato sauce and cheese so gooey.'

44. Giant dandelions.

45. Sweet "I forgive you"s from those too young to hold a grudge.

46. Weather-cancelled ball practices after too many late nights.

47. Resurrection eggs and sacrifice remembered.

48. "You Alone Can Rescue" by Matt Redman.

49. Open and honest relationships.

50. Thunderstorms.

Big Picture Perspective

Mental overload brings difficulty in remembering...current work efforts are maximized with extra helpings on the plate of life during this season of expanding our ministries. Big picture perspective inspires as imaginations soar ahead to greater success.

A brief refresher reminds of the morning - mumblings were indeed many in the wee hours, prayers incoherent, yet somehow daily conversation was light, pleasant, blessed. Truth uplifts as God's presence is realized in spite of personal weakness. Roots creep slowly deeper.

31. Cooperative children.

32. Excited waves from daycare doorways.

33. Sweet childish chatter.

34. A listening ear and advice spoken from experience.

35. Confirmation of God's hand in ministry plans.

36. Willing hearts.

37. Warmth.

38. Generous family.

39. Leaders with a 'big picture' view.

40. A dear friend's laughter.

Calm Before the Storm

Ahhh...there's nothing like a quiet night at home...no greater refreshment for the soul than to be still...

The peacefulness is treasured tonight as the months ahead promise much activity. Baseball's first night of practice for father/coach and son brings excitement as a shared love stirs fire within - anticipation of first pitches, close calls, great saves, and dirty knees. A love soon to be shared three times over as the second son awaits the call to prepare for his own ball diamond debut.

With sweaty caps and muddy cleats just around the corner, motherly emotions waiver. Great joy can be found on the ball field benches, great stress on the refrigerator calendar. Summer evenings of rejoicing and rushing; exhilaration and exhaustion. Will we thrive in the support of TWO young men's dreams, or simply survive a scheduling nightmare?

This cloud of wondering finds me selfish in my quiet night; choosing solitude and forgoing blessed family connections. After kissing sweet faces and whispering prayers, a silent question arises...

"What if 'me' time in the morning left me longing for 'we' time at night?"

What if accepting the call to 'be still' before daybreak brings a yearning for action and activity as night falls? Can God really use the half-awake mumblings of my morning to change the daytime desires of my heart?

A search for truth finds Colossians 2:7, "Let your roots grow down into Him and draw up nourishment from Him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all He has done."

Confirmation. Going deeper brings nourishment, growth, strength. Establishing roots creates an avenue from which to draw. My roots are weary from drawing too much without going deep enough.

Can I weather the storm of this most busy season of life without going deeper? Can a tree withstand great wind if roots are shallow?

A heart's desire for peace, both within and without. An answer - give thanks, go deep. Gratitude comes easy tonight - growth brings pain in the early hours.

I long for more of both.

22. Polo shirts.

23. Shared stories.

24. Checklists.

25. Sun-kissed cheeks.

26. Unexpected phone calls.

27. Homework completed without complaint.

28. Mealtime successes.

29. Fresh air.

30. Encouraging words from father to son.

Embracing the Challenge

Today started off well, or at least, pretty well.

There was the occasional snap at my kids for fighting a bit too much this morning...

Nevertheless Monday comes, a bit tougher than most. Letting go of my youngest stirs doubt as this 'working Mom' era is still too new and she clings a bit tighter than usual after a few sweet days together. Sigh. Silently wishing to turn back time, and yet, giving thanks for a job heaven-sent - a haven to be encouraged, uplifted - where failure is acceptable in light of honest effort (still foreign to this newcomer) - where teachers, mentors, friends are many.

A sun-filled afternoon is a warm welcome home, and though conflicts are few, the feelings are...inadequate. Even last-minute dinner plans go awry (why wasn't I better prepared?), necessary laundry is forgotten (why can't I remember to finish what I start?), my mind wanders aimlessly...

...healthy plans for dinner are replaced by pizza (with mushrooms - does that help?), a daughter is rushed to rehearse, Dad arrives in frustration, and the Krew is loaded up for 2 and a half hours of performance. Talented musicians share beautiful pieces, but not before the oldest son must not-so-appropriately display feelings of frustration and disrespect. And the tone is set for the 2 youngest, who mimic and mirror and create their own disturbances.

All the while, pride swells at the God-given gifts of our oldest, and smiles can't be contained as joy overtakes the witness of our sweet prodigy.

But alas, the night is not complete without another tantrum and ongoing echoes of complaint as we make our way home far too late.

What am I doing wrong? How can I find gratitude, joy, hope when success often feels so distant?

I give thanks that I am challenged to stop. To collect my meanderings and mistakes and look for the good. To sift and sort and discover. To find God in my mess.

And so I remember...

11. Quiet.

12. Blue eyes that sparkle with laughter.

13. Wild turkeys wandering in sun-drenched fields.

14. Hugs that linger, unwilling to let go.

15. 23,000 'adopted' Easter eggs - 8,000 already filled.

16. Mutual understanding.

17. Handwritten messages.

18. "Flowers...flowers...flowers!" - sweet words from my sweet one as we continue to discover the unfolding beauty of Spring.

19. Conversation with a good friend...to be continued...

20. Simple recipes shared - and the inspiration to remember them when plans fail.

21. A child's delight in her own incredible musical giftings - and a Mother's glimpse of the Father's pleasure at His children's delight.

Stepping Out

I feel the need to make a change...

Though my kids' pictures have not been updated since January, and it drives me CRAZY that 3 weeks into Spring, my blog header is still a snow-covered landscape, I am stepping out.

A few weeks ago, I began nibbling on a new and incredible book, the first ever written by my all-time favorite, most inspiring blogger, and my heart is being stirred.

I have been seeing a path laid out before me, a tying together of bits and pieces that have been sprinkled into my life over the past few months. Maybe it began longer ago, but who knows? All I see is that something has been in the works and the time has come for me to act on it, to accept the challenge, and to see what happens next.

I remember the urging of a friend on Facebook, the suggestion to post a 'thankful thought' on each day of November. What a great idea - a perfect prelude to Thanksgiving, an ideal way to prepare our own hearts and inspire others to truly recognize the multitude of ways we are blessed. So I did it - and I LOVED it! I even did it again the following year, and brought it to my dining room table by encouraging each family member to share something THEY were grateful for as we shared our meal together each day.

Trouble is, after November ended, after the season of thanks had passed, the newfound habit quickly disappeared as well. This didn't settle well with me, and every now and again, I would try and revisit the issue and request to hear more reasons for my family's gratitude while sharing my own as well. Each time, it was SO wonderful and encouraging, but it just didn't stick...

A few months ago, I was brought to a verse in Philippians that I thought was meant for a friend - so I shared it with her. She was blessed by it, and I was encouraged to have been able to share, but the verse became etched in MY mind as well, and I have returned to it again and again.

In chapter 4, verses 6 and 7, it reads, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand."

Wow...really? The only requirement for peace of mind, God's peace, is that I talk to Him about my troubles and thank Him for His goodness? Is it really that simple?

He continues to stir in me that it is.

See, I am pretty good at telling Him my troubles - now, I may not always go to Him first, which I know I should, but eventually, one way or another, He hears about the things that challenge me.

But to 'thank Him for all He has done'? Do I really understand the fullness of ALL He has done? Yes, I thank Him for my husband, my children, my family and friends. I thank Him for my home, my health, and for what He provides. But the more I read of Him, the more I hear about how others see Him, the more I am reminded that He is in the details. The big picture of life may seem quite messy, and it often is, but in the midst of the mess, I miss the simple ways that He is there.

I don't want to miss them anymore.

The book I am reading is by Ann Voskamp, entitled 'One Thousand Gifts.' Ann was once challenged to take note of the ways that she could find God in her daily life - the mundane, the usual, the predictable and yet not-so-predictable life of a stay-at-home Mom.

And God knocked her socks off.

He woke her to the fact that "As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible...The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience...Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be - unbelievably - possible! The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now."

And so, like Ann, I am stirred to allow my heart to take notice of the when and the where that God is present in my life, in my home, in my walking-blindly-from-one-task-to-the-next-because-there-is-so-much-to-do-today way of living. I am tired of missing it! I am tired of missing HIM...I KNOW He is there, and every now and then I get a glimpse, but I just don't let myself slow down enough to really see.

And now everything around me is screaming at me to change that.

From the Facebook challenge to the verse in Philippians, to the book, and now an amazing sermon this past weekend, I am clearly being told to do something different. And I am saying yes.

So, starting today, I accept the challenge. I will begin using this blog to take note of the things I am thankful for, the ways I am blessed. And I hope that by doing so, God will soften my heart to be able to see more of Him in everything.

(And maybe, just maybe, I will get more pictures posted of my incredible family!)

Thus begins my journey towards a true 'attitude of gratitude'...

1. Sunshine - how I have missed the sunshine!

2. A son who inspires my children to search for 'treasure' in our backyard (and secretly hoping they find something - anything - just for the thrill of it!).

3. Forgiveness for my selfishness.

4. Friendly neighbors.

5. A teenager with an open heart.

6. The discovery of sugar-free lattes when I have given up sugar!

7. Dinner made by my husband.

8. A son that loves to hug.

9. "I love you, Mommy."

10. Snuggling on the couch with my hubby who helps get the kids to bed early.