Today started off well, or at least, pretty well.
There was the occasional snap at my kids for fighting a bit too much this morning...
Nevertheless Monday comes, a bit tougher than most. Letting go of my youngest stirs doubt as this 'working Mom' era is still too new and she clings a bit tighter than usual after a few sweet days together. Sigh. Silently wishing to turn back time, and yet, giving thanks for a job heaven-sent - a haven to be encouraged, uplifted - where failure is acceptable in light of honest effort (still foreign to this newcomer) - where teachers, mentors, friends are many.
A sun-filled afternoon is a warm welcome home, and though conflicts are few, the feelings are...inadequate. Even last-minute dinner plans go awry (why wasn't I better prepared?), necessary laundry is forgotten (why can't I remember to finish what I start?), my mind wanders aimlessly...
...healthy plans for dinner are replaced by pizza (with mushrooms - does that help?), a daughter is rushed to rehearse, Dad arrives in frustration, and the Krew is loaded up for 2 and a half hours of performance. Talented musicians share beautiful pieces, but not before the oldest son must not-so-appropriately display feelings of frustration and disrespect. And the tone is set for the 2 youngest, who mimic and mirror and create their own disturbances.
All the while, pride swells at the God-given gifts of our oldest, and smiles can't be contained as joy overtakes the witness of our sweet prodigy.
But alas, the night is not complete without another tantrum and ongoing echoes of complaint as we make our way home far too late.
What am I doing wrong? How can I find gratitude, joy, hope when success often feels so distant?
I give thanks that I am challenged to stop. To collect my meanderings and mistakes and look for the good. To sift and sort and discover. To find God in my mess.
And so I remember...
11. Quiet.
12. Blue eyes that sparkle with laughter.
13. Wild turkeys wandering in sun-drenched fields.
14. Hugs that linger, unwilling to let go.
15. 23,000 'adopted' Easter eggs - 8,000 already filled.
16. Mutual understanding.
17. Handwritten messages.
18. "Flowers...flowers...flowers!" - sweet words from my sweet one as we continue to discover the unfolding beauty of Spring.
19. Conversation with a good friend...to be continued...
20. Simple recipes shared - and the inspiration to remember them when plans fail.
21. A child's delight in her own incredible musical giftings - and a Mother's glimpse of the Father's pleasure at His children's delight.
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