Prepared?

As I sit down to write, it has been nearly one month since schools were closed and everything in the area where we live has been turned upside down due to COVID-19.

My personal experience this past month has included a lot more time at home, which ultimately means a lot more time in thought for myself and, I presume, for others like me who do not possess an 'off switch' for the mind.

Recent thoughts have brought me to a place of revisiting the last several months of my life, some of which were incredibly challenging.  And as I see God bringing things more into focus regarding those challenges, I feel compelled to share, because I believe each of our stories holds a commonality - a personal connection - that was created within us as a reminder that we are never alone.

Last Fall began a season of extreme quiet for me relationally.  While the relationships within the four walls of my home were strong and active, it seemed as though every single previously active relationship outside of my family unit came to a sudden, silent standstill.

There was no apparent reason for this change; no major life event (like a COVID-19 pandemic) brought everything to a halt, so there was seemingly no explanation.  And as the days and weeks passed, the silence left me feeling forgotten, unwanted, and unimportant.  I did not believe that I was alone, but I felt very lonely.  There was no anger in me towards others, but I would come to describe the experience as one of a boxer being knocked to the mat: definitely down for the count, being fully aware that things were going on all around me, knowing that I would get up again, but having no idea when or how.

Hurt.Sad.Confused.

In my conversations with God, though they were brief and my words were few, I was not complaining, not arguing...just wondering.  What is going on?  What is this about?  What have I missed?  What needs to change?

I knew that I was blessed with what I had.  I knew that God was always with me.  But I also knew that He created His children for relationship.  With Him, with others - each of us is designed to connect.  God, I am designed to connect!  Even my bio on this blog says so: "Genuine friendships and heartfelt conversations are a treasure to me..."

Then, some time near the end of the year, I began to notice God impressing a new set of thoughts into my mind.  Your children need you...All four of them are home with you...You know that your time with them is so short...This is a gift.

And slowly, I started to accept and embrace this mindset.  Long before I had any idea that COVID-19 would force us into an abundance of time together, I was remembering how quickly the high school years had flown by with my older two, I was recalling how busy I had been in previous seasons of life, and I was beginning to see what a blessing it could be to invest additional time into the lives of my two young adults, realizing how much I, myself, had learned since they were young.

Yes, the pain of loneliness was still there, but the purpose of the season was bubbling to the surface and giving me new hope.  And I began to be thankful for the extra time with my family, to appreciate the gift I had been given.

Fast forward to today.  A month's worth of little drops in the bucket of my mind, a slow remembering of how God had established a better perspective to carry me through a difficult time, and a whisper in my heart that He was preparing me for this all along.

Wait...He was preparing me?  He saw this coming and cared enough to give me the opportunity to ready my heart and mind for it?  He could use my loneliness, my hurt, for something good?  Absolutely.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"  Jeremiah 29:11

Am I unique in my experience?  No, I don't believe so.  I don't believe that God would ONLY prepare me and not the rest of His children.  He loves us all the same and He is true to His Word.  

Isaiah 45:2 says "I myself will prepare your way"

My encouragement for you today is to spend some time with your own thoughts and ask the question: How God has prepared YOU for this time in history?  Your story will not be the same as mine, but I would venture to guess that if you allow your heart and mind to go in that direction - if you will ask the questions - God will begin to reveal some things that have happened in your own life to serve as preparation for this season.  And beginning to see from a new perspective will give you hope.  Hope that you are not alone, hope that you will make it through, hope that there is good to be found in every circumstance, hope that you are loved...because you are.