Looking Back

This most recent season of life has renewed my love for reading, and I am pleased to say that I have read several terrific books during the past year.  As a child, I was an avid reader, often staying up into the wee hours to finish a book that I just couldn't put down.  It's been exciting to feel that flame rekindling once again, and I find that the books I enjoy most are those that speak from the personal experiences of the author.  I love discovering new ways of relating to individual people and gleaning from the depths of their heartfelt stories.

As I've been pondering the book I finished over the weekend, my thoughts keep returning to just such a passage - one snippet of this author's life journey that truly resonated within me.

She writes of a 'wilderness' she'd walked through; a time of feeling 'spiritually parched and desperately dry.'  I've felt that same desperation - one that left me thirsty and longing for more of God in my own life.

The author wonders if God can be seen in the desert, in her wilderness, and she recalls the story of Moses and his request for God to reveal Himself.  Exodus 33 tells of a specific conversation where Moses is asking God for His presence - His glory - so that he, 'may know you and continue to find favor with you.'

These scriptures inspire her to consider whether she could make the same request.  Couldn't she also ask God to reveal Himself and His glory to her?

The answer came in two ways.  First, God gave her understanding as He showed her that His glory is the same as His character.  This is encouraging as we can find much about God's character in His Word; there are dozens of poetic adjectives that create an incredibly descriptive picture of who He is, especially in reading through the Psalms.
Secondly, God began speaking directly to her heart as He parallels Moses' experience with her own.  THIS is what I can't get out of my head.
In Exodus 33:21-23, we read, 

"Then the Lord said (to Moses), 'There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock.  When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by.  Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back...'"

This may be a familiar story to many, but God's message to this author was very specific, and her exact words are as follows:
"And then God began to 'speak' to me...phrase by phrase...I have put you in the cleft of a rock.  I have intentionally put you in a hard place.  You are stuck there.  But I have covered you with My hand, and you have felt the nearness of My presence.  Then I removed my hand...look back.  Look back!  My glory can be seen if you will look back."

She goes on to share that she began to 'look back' on her life and her experiences, and how it was THEN that she saw His glory.  God's character was revealed even more in the looking back.

What a powerful revelation!  Though we are often encouraged with the saying, "Don't look back - you're not going that way," the reality is that if we don't spend any time reflecting on where we've been, we'll completely miss the opportunity to see who He is.

When we look back on our life - when we think about the things we've walked through, we have the perfect perspective to see where God was in the midst of it all.  In the calm after the storm, we can turn back and see right where God was standing and how He was giving us strength, peace, comfort, protection, and courage along the way.
And it's in recalling the most difficult moments that we discover who God really is.  Despite the fact that the 'rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield,' it's still there.  That 'rearview mirror' is a huge part of our walk with the One who loves us and never leaves us.  It's the reason we read so often about our Bible heroes creating piles of stones at various locations throughout their journey.  They are the reminders of God's faithfulness; the recollections of His character.

My challenge to you - and to myself - is to keep looking back.  Make notes of where you've been and how God was present with you there.  Look with the intent to find His blessings...you'll find them!  Then be sure to write them down so you can go back and remember again!

I'll end with a terrific summary from this fabulous author.
"The interesting thing I have learned is that I can't seem to see His glory at the moment of my distress.  As He told Moses, I have not been allowed to see His 'face'...the front side.  I can't seem to see in advance how He is going to provide, undergird, equip, sustain, strengthen, or bless me when life closes in around me.  But when He brings me through, I look back and I can see that He has been with me every moment, every step of the way."